SPORTS TALK: So Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un walk into a bar …

by James McCarthy- February 18, 2018

Thankfully, this has been confirmed and I can go on with life.

This royal guard in Sweden knows how to handle a walkie-talkie just fine. Why can’t the volunteers at the 2018 Winter Olympics do the same? photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

The Sapientia Hungarian University of Transylvania has published the results of a 2017 study that determined half-day-old snow is safe to eat and even more safe if it’s done in colder months. Snow was collected from a park and a roundabout near the town of Miercurea Ciuc in central Romania, which was then hermetically sealed and used to grow bacteria and mold. Apparently, the number of bacteria quadrupled over one day in February than it did in January. Here’s all you need to know, kids: don’t eat the yellow snow.

Here’s what else is safe after half a day:

You thought it wouldn’t happen…

Imagine the excitement when Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un showed up at the opening ceremonies for the 2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang, South Korea on Feb. 8. There they were – arm-in-arm posing for photos as the crowd (which was no doubt freezing to death thanks to a sudden blast of global warming in PyeongChang) while putting aside the differences that have captured the world’s attention. They have buttons on their desks that can launch us into Armageddon, dontcha know? Trump’s is bigger, of course.

Alas, it was all a ruse as it was two impersonators – really good doppelgangers, I might add – who stole the show and they were an absolute hit. Organizers, though, weren’t impressed one bit and gave them the boot from the venue. And this is why we can’t have anything fun anymore.

The unfortunate part is that no one knows who they are. They were ejected so fast that no one could get their names. Someone needs to because these two could make a lot of money in the years to come.

Benny Hill would be proud

There are so many things in sports that could be put to the music from the Benny Hill series. For those that don’t know, the tune that made the show famous is called Yakety Sax. And now something from the 2018 Winter Olympics can join the club.

At the alpine ski hill a walkie-talkie went rogue and began to hurtle down the hill. A brave volunteer leaped into action to arrest the electronic gadget, which had decided to make a run for the North Korean border (at least that’s what I thought it was doing).

The volunteer dives … and misses. There’s no stopping the walkie-talkie from embracing the vestiges of Juche and socialism the likes of which have not been seen since, well, yesterday in Venezuela. He tried again … and failed. It took a third try for the runaway device to finally be collared.

Simply dramatic scenes that should never be repeated on any ski hill in any country.

Tonga wins the opening

Part of the pomp and circumstance that comes with the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, winter or summer, is seeing the various outfits being worn by athletes from competing nations. I’m still partial to the po’ boy caps when Roots had the contract to outfit the Canadian team. You know, when Olympic clothing was still worth buying.

Tonga has one athlete competing in this year’s spectacle of joy, cross-country skier Pita Taufatofua – who might be the winner of the Olympics for just walking in.

Taufatofua joined the other athletes marching in, but he’ll be remembered for his outfit. Or lack thereof. He wore traditional Tongan regalia, consisting of a ta’ovala mat wrapped around his waist and not much else. He showed off his oiled-up chest, which was the talk of social media. And why not? Anyone who can boss it with nothing above the equator in rather chilly confines gets my vote.

He did the same thing for the 2016 Summer Olympics in Brazil when he competed in taekwondo, but let’s face it – it was a bit warmer then.

A close second was the outfits worn by Bermudan athletes, who marched in wearing Bermuda shorts. What else would you expect from Bermuda?

And finally…

Good Idea: Samsung handing out free phones to Olympic athletes.

Bad Idea: North Korean athletes refusing their free Samsung phones.

Part of the Olympic experience is all about the swag sponsors dish out to the athletes. Samsung is a big sponsor and has been for a while, even before the Winter Olympics were awarded to PyeongChang. Samsung, after all, is a South Korean company.

The company gave an Olympic-themed Galaxy 8 phone to Olympians and officials, but North Korea reportedly said thanks but no thanks. The original story had the North Koreans – and Iran’s athletes – being refused phones because of United Nations sanctions against both countries receiving luxury goods. The Galaxy 8 has a price tag of roughly $1,000.

Yonhap News, South Korea’s official news agency, reported a deal was made involving the International Olympic Committee to give Iran their phones, but the North Koreans stood fast and refused theirs. This even after Olympic officials said the team could use them in South Korea and give them back before they went home.

What a shame. They may actually realize the Korean War is over, their leader is an entitled brat and blue jeans aren’t exactly a “western decadence.”

Until next time, folks…

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