I don't know about you but stupid criminals provide me with an endless bounty of laughs.
Some guy in Seattle, Washington decided to try and break into a truck with a mop handle on Jan. 31 at a radio station and he failed miserably – to the point where he thought stumbling up to the top of a raised parking lot and trying to jump on top of the truck was a good idea. It wasn't. He fell. Hard.
Luckily, there's security camera footage but that's just half of it. If you can find it, get the version with KIRO's John Curley providing play-by-play of the tomfoolery. You won't be disappointed. Trust me.
Anyway, on to things I provide play-by-play on:
The number of champions
The number 69.
Invokes all sorts of wonderment from so many people. It could mean one thing to one person, something completely different to someone else. Take Rob Gronkowski of the New England Patriots, for example. If ever someone had an infatuation for the number 69, it's him.
He had 69 catches during the regular season, something he made light of at a press conference when asked about it. His girlfriend, a former Patriots cheerleader, enjoys telling the story about how he botched a free throw during a school basketball game because it meant he would be able to finish the game with exactly 69 points.
Which is why you shouldn't be surprised that for Super Bowl LII, which the Patriots lost to the Philadelphia Eagles, Gronkowski invited 69 friends and family to the game.
I'm just making the point that Gronkowski loves him the number 69. If you're thinking something else, you are a true dirtbag.
Gaston diet, anyone?
It was a simple request: 1,500 eggs for the Norwegian Olympic team in order to feed its 109 athletes at the Winter Olympics. But things get lost in translation all the time.
The team's chef, Stale Johansen, placed the order before the start of the big show and received the surprise of his life when a delivery truck pulled up and delivered 15,000 eggs. If you do the math, that would have been roughly 137 eggs per athletes for the duration of the Olympics.
In an interview with a Norwegian newspaper, Johansen said it was a mistake on their behalf and he and his team were able to return the 13,500 extra eggs to the supplier with no hassle. But consider this: in South Korea, eggs are usually ordered by cartons of 30 and not the dozen eggs we're used to here. Also, there's the suggestion that Google Translate was used to make the order. Because what can go wrong with that? Technology solves everything!
Anyway, crisis averted. For now. Let's hope they don't run out anytime soon.
Let him loose!
It's a shame that Larry Nassar didn't get ripped apart by Randall Margraves on Feb. 2.
You've probably seen it by now: Margraves was making a statement to the court during Nassar's sentencing hearing on more charges of him taking advantage of hundreds of young gymnasts under his care during his time as the team doctor for USA Gymnastics.
Margraves, whose three daughters were victims of Nassar's, asked if he could have five minutes alone in a room with Nassar. Judge Janice Cunningham said that wasn't possible. Margraves then asked for one minute. Judge Cunningham said no. So Margraves leaped into action, saying he then needed to get his time then and there.
He was stopped by several court officers and handcuffed but even as the officers were doing their job, you can see one of them softly talking to him and patting him on the shoulder. How could you not feel empathy for a man whose daughters were violated by one of the biggest pieces of human waste still living? Margraves came back into the courtroom about half an hour later and apologized for what he did and to Judge Cunningham's credit, she didn't punish him. Would you?
Someone started a GoFundMe page to raise money for Margraves' defence, if he needed it, which ended up getting more than $31,000 in two days. It was suspended by the organizer after Margraves asked for it to be taken down.
As a father of two girls, believe this: if anyone came close to doing to my daughters what Nassar did to those girls and women, it would take a pack of wild horses to stop me from ripping their head off. And I'm being kind when I say this. If you want my full testimony, ask me. You know what I'm like and I won't hold back.
And finally…
Good Idea: The Winter Olympics getting going.
Bad Idea: The Winter Olympics getting people to go.
And so we are underway with the 2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang, South Korea.
The good news is North Korea hasn't used the occasion to bring both sides of the Korean peninsula together yet, but one thing has been happening which could leave a sour taste in some mouths.
According to the organizing committee, a norovirus outbreak on the eve of the big show caused more than 1,200 security guards to be pulled from active duty after several fell ill with episodes of diarrhea and vomiting. That's a crappy situation.
Not to be outdone, the weather took a turn for the worse (depending on who you talk to) as high winds and frigid cold caused people to walk out of a dry run of the opening ceremonies on Feb. 5. It got so cold that ATMs were frozen.
Organizers were apparently worried that people could catch hypothermia while watching the big show on Feb. 9, but that's what no roof and no central heating will do. Don't these people take into account the weather? It's February in Korea. It still gets cold there, no matter what Al Gore would have you believe.
Until next time, folks...